i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
