The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
