I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
