porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
