Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
