white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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