ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need water and some morals
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
