he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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