i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ugly people sure do ruin things
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
