Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
