Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
