the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
