the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
