he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
