She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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