also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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