I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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