I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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