I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
