I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
