His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
