flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
