There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
