We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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