My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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