we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
