There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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