absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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