Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
