My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
