Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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