Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
