so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
