It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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