I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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