Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
