Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
