I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
