as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
