Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
