At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
