the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my liver is dry heaving
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
