Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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