I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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