Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
