I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
