Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
