I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
