Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
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