I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
