Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize