i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
...so i touched it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
