the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
