Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
