If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
