I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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