the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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