so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
