my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
