what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
