What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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