I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
