I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
