omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
