Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
