I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
