It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
