What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
