Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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