that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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