oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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